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Commonplace Lavatory Laughs

Toilet humor has long been the safe haven for daily publications, and publications remain attentive regarding memorable lavatory incidents and milestones, especially in relation to football. Readers were entertained to find out that Big Website columnist Adrian Chiles owns a West Bromwich Albion-inspired toilet within his residence. Reflect for a moment about the Tykes follower who interpreted the restroom a little too literally, and had to be saved from the vacant Barnsley ground post-napping in the lavatory during halftime of a 2015 loss versus the Cod Army. “He had no shoes on and couldn't find his phone and his hat,” elaborated a representative from Barnsley fire services. And everyone remembers during his peak popularity at Manchester City, Mario Balotelli visited a nearby college for toilet purposes during 2012. “His luxury car was stationed outside, then entered and inquired where the toilets were, then he went to the teachers’ staff room,” a pupil informed the Manchester Evening News. “After that he was just walking around the college grounds as if he owned it.”

The Restroom Quitting

This Tuesday commemorates a quarter-century to the day that Kevin Keegan resigned as the England coach post a quick discussion in a toilet cubicle together with Football Association official David Davies deep within Wembley Stadium, following that infamous 1-0 defeat against Germany in 2000 – England’s final match at the famous old stadium. As Davies remembers in his diary, his private Football Association notes, he had entered the sodden struggling national team changing area immediately after the match, discovering David Beckham crying and Tony Adams “fired up”, both players begging for the suit to bring Keegan to his senses. Following Dietmar Hamann’s free-kick, Keegan moved wearily along the passageway with a blank expression, and Davies found him slumped – just as he was at Anfield in 1996 – in the corner of the dressing room, whispering: “I’m off. I’m not for this.” Collaring Keegan, Davies tried desperately to save the circumstance.

“Where could we possibly locate for confidential discussion?” stated Davies. “The tunnel? Full of TV journalists. The dressing room? Heaving with emotional players. The shower area? I was unable to have a crucial talk with the national coach while athletes jumped in the pool. Merely one possibility emerged. The restroom stalls. A crucial incident in the Three Lions' storied past occurred in the ancient loos of a venue scheduled for destruction. The coming demolition was almost tangible. Dragging Kevin into a cubicle, I shut the door behind us. We remained standing, looking at each other. ‘You can’t change my mind,’ Kevin said. ‘I'm gone. I'm not suitable. I’m going out to the press to tell them I’m not up to it. I can’t motivate the players. I can’t get the extra bit out of these players that I need.’”

The Consequences

And so, Keegan resigned, eventually revealing he viewed his tenure as national coach “without spirit”. The two-time European Footballer of the Year stated: “I struggled to occupy my time. I ended up coaching the blind squad, the deaf squad, assisting the women's team. It's a tremendously tough role.” The English game has progressed significantly in the quarter of a century since. Regardless of improvement or decline, those Wembley toilets and those two towers have long disappeared, while a German now sits in the technical area Keegan previously used. Thomas Tuchel’s side are among the favourites for next year's international tournament: National team followers, value this time. This exact remembrance from a low point in English football serves as a recall that situations weren't always this good.

Real-Time Coverage

Tune in with Luke McLaughlin at 8pm British Summer Time for women's football cup news concerning Arsenal's match against Lyon.

Daily Quotation

“We stood there in a lengthy line, wearing only our undergarments. We were Europe’s best referees, elite athletes, role models, adults, parents, strong personalities with high morals … yet nobody spoke. We hardly glanced at one another, our gazes flickered a bit nervously while we were called forward two by two. There Collina examined us thoroughly with a chilly look. Mute and attentive” – previous global referee Jonas Eriksson discloses the embarrassing processes officials were once put through by previous European football refereeing head Pierluigi Collina.

Soccer Mailbag

“What’s in a name? There exists a Dr Seuss poem called ‘Too Many Daves’. Has Blackpool experienced Excessive Steves? Steve Bruce, together with staff Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been dismissed through the exit. So is that the end of the club’s Steve obsession? Not exactly! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie stay to take care of the first team. Full Steve ahead!” – John Myles

“Since you've opened the budget and awarded some merch, I've chosen to type and make a pithy comment. Ange Postecoglou states that he picked fights in the schoolyard with youngsters he knew would beat him up. This pain-seeking behavior must justify his option to move to Nottingham Forest. As a lifelong Spurs supporter I'll continue appreciating the subsequent season award yet the only follow-up season honor I predict him achieving along the Trent, should he survive that period, is the second tier and that would be a significant battle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|